What do we really want in life?

What do we really want in life?

Now that's one FAQ without a single clear answer, isn't it?

Nope, I don't even claim to have the answer for you.  But I wish to share my thoughts here, and hope to know yours, and probably offer a single answer applicable to all.  And let me modify the question - what should we really want in life?

The most likely object people seem to be seeking is wealth.  At times people don't acknowledge it openly, but you'll find that money and material assets are the most popular objectives.  But that doesn't make sense to me.  I've hardly ever seen anyone satisfied upon having achieved this objective.  Firstly, rarely does anyone achieve his financial objective, cuz it keeps moving.  And then, even as he crosses his original targets, his discontentment remains the same, if not increases.  This is because we seek to be richer (than X, Y, Z), not rich.  It's a relative target, not absolute.  And as we upgrade ourselves to financially richer social circles, we find our new friends to be at our own or higher level, and obviously we again aren't rich enough.  As a peon toils hard to become a clerk and rise within his social circles of peons, he realizes that his new world is full of clerks, and he's hardly ahead of them.  I don't think we consciously think this way, but it seems the obvious explanation to the behaviour of many of us.

Satisfaction with wealth also hardly seems to give any satisfaction in life.  It doesn't assure that our kids will stay with us as we grow old.  It doesn't ensure the longevity of our marriage or even life.  It doesn't give us the social importance we crave for.

Well, maybe then a happy family is what we're looking for?  I guess having a warm and caring family surely keeps us happy, but it expects very little ongoing action or maintenance.  As intellectual beings, we need to keep doing something.  If a happy family is our end objective, I think we'll feel pretty incomplete or blank soon after we reach that level.

Social respect, or importance, or fame, is also something many crave for.  We seek attention from the day we were born.  Even rich people seek to get noticed by building and showing off weird-looking skyscraper homes, or naming universities after themselves.  Gangsters are also probably just fulfilling their internal desperation for some importance.  Politicians, after amassing enough wealth for tens of generations, still seek power, for power gives them the feeling of importance.  Some social workers do stupid things to stay in the limelight even after their causes have succeeded or crashed, because they're addicted to getting attention.

I am not sure if importance or attention will give us satisfaction.  It is addictive, for sure, but having it seems to cause more desperation than contentment.  And as I see in people who I think as successful - like Ratan Tata, or Peter Drucker, or Dr. Patt - they shun attention so that they can enjoy life more.  Their sense of importance comes from within only.

I think what we really should seek is sustained happiness.  I think this one is the winner.  This is actually the primary objective - it is for happiness that most seek wealth or fame or power.  Yet I don't think we realize that this is our real objective, because to achieve these superficial objectives, we compromise happiness very easily.  We easily give up the pleasure of listening to the sweet songs of birds or the coos of a sweet child or the smile of a customer, so that we can attend to professional priorities.  We do not realize how a kaka sitting outside his hut in a remote village can be happier than us, without having any iPad or laptop or even electricity!

So how can we achieve sustained happiness?  I believe we can do so by seeking happiness of others.  There is no pleasure greater than that found in making others smile.  Ramola teacher and Fr. Hector and Dr. Patt may not be as rich and famous as Mukesh Ambani, but they have inculcated knowledge and character in countless students.  Peter Drucker and Stephen Covey offered ways to be more effective, and win together by empowering and teaming with others.  Ratan Tata and Bill Gates and Steve Jobs delivered products that changed, elevated, our lives.  Interestingly, most of these received fame and importance, though they never sought it, still don't.  They enjoy seeing the effect of their work in people's lives.  They enjoy being in sync with their natural compass or conscience.

I therefore believe that we will find long-lasting satisfaction and happiness in life only if we make it our life's objective to see others happier.  Small acts of thoughtfulness and kindness and generosity, pleasant surprises to our friends and family, can lift our spirits every day, as our conscience gives us a thumbs up.  People who want more than a live-by-the-day approach can identify noble causes they believe in, and make that their career.  That may be building educational products for children, or researching effective management theories, or fighting the green house effect, or finding the cure to cancer - there are countless options.  Some professions have contributions built-in - doctors save our lives and health, pharmacists find cures to illnesses, civil engineers and architects build magnificent structures to serve our future needs, musicians create tunes to please our senses.  In fact, if we remain conscious about it, we can redirect almost any professional career towards making a positive difference in the lives of the people around us.

I am more confident than ever that people seeking others' happiness will be the most successful of all.  I hope you're one of those people!