Four levels?

I'm often confounded by my observations of happiness people - I find underprivileged people, such as our watchman kaka, happy most of the time, despite facing every challenge / disaster in the book - and I find healthy and financially fit people complaining all the time. Why is this so?

I analyzed, and found that there seem to exist four levels of intellectual maturity:

1. Subhuman - they seem to have a reduced degree of sensitivity to bad events, probably as they're accustomed to tragedies, and hence small gestures can also make them happy. They hardly know any philosophy or geography or what exists outside their world. They usually believe in God and miracles, which is why they don't simply commit suicide realizing their hopelessness.

2. Transactional - they get happy and sad as reactions to events around them. Their memory is weak enough to let them quickly get over some displeasure by the next material gain. Their interactions with God are also mainly transactional. Their world revolves around themselves, and they don't care much to know beyond.

3. Worried - they (think that they) know about the world, and realize how terrible it had become. Some believe they can improve it, others find those efforts futile. They may show faith and religion, but inside aren't so sure if God really exists. They all have every reason to remain in pain - be it financial insecurity, weight gain, family fights, corruption in the system, bad state of education, global warming or even piracy in Somalia. They mock the ignorant yet envy their bliss.

4. Buddha - those who attain this state enjoy every aspect of the world around them. They know beyond economics and geography and politics - they have and seek spiritual maturity. Faith in God gives them security. They find the variety in human behavior and challenges in the world to be creations of God and delightful means to learn. They seek and find pleasure in opportunities to serve others and enrich the world around them. They practice the true form of nishkam karma. They are always happy.

What do you think about this classification?

My Precious...

I am a bit shaken up by an interesting situation that took place two days ago.  I am probably more shaken up by my response to it.

I was just about to park my car at home at lunch-time, when I saw a rabari-style clothed person walking on the road close to my home.  He had a child, presumably his son, on his shoulders.  Based on the way he walked, I judged that he is a beggar, and will ask me for money should he encounter me as I got off the car.  Not wanting to be approached, I didn't drive in, but drove around the block and returned from the next intersection, just so he may pass by my house.

As I drove past him, I observed that he didn't quite seem to be a beggar.  His son had worn a smart school uniform, yellow shirt and grey shorts (yes, I can't even remember what I wore yesterday, but I can't forget this image) and had a bag on his back.  I observed that the father was walking oddly (thereby leading me to judge him as a beggar) because he seemed to be trying to entertain his son.  The two seemed to be having a good time as they walked in the afternoon heat.

I immediately felt guilty for being biased about a fellow human being.  But my fault and guilt didn't end there.  I felt bad about being who I am, having the ability to drive home in an air-conditioned car for lunch.  I felt pathetic being possessive about "my" financial resources, which in reality I can claim only by virtue of being born in a reasonably gifted family - even whatever I may claim to have earned on basis of my "abilities" or "skills" is similar, for I could gain those qualities only because I was gifted a platform by birth.  Yet I was selfish enough to try to outsmart someone deserving from having a small fraction of those gifts, of which I must be at most, a trustee.

I realized the supposedly obvious fact that the love of parent and child transcends all sections of the society.  There is not enough love in our world, and if we want some of it, we must nurture what exists around us.  I had the power (try to see the term beyond my arrogance) - the power to be nice to the duo, respect their love with a smile, and even help should the gentleman actually be a beggar.  I was clearly more gifted than the duo, and no excuse can justify my refusal to make a small act of kindness.

I think the lore of God appearing as an underprivileged human to test our character is common in the scriptures of all major religions.  God probably appeared as the duo to test me, or better yet, to suggest an improvement, a return to the values that I should cherish, so I may enjoy this life better.

I see good analogy of money in "The Ring" of Lord of the Rings - we somehow seem to increasingly resemble the pitiable-yet-greedy Gollum, losing our health and mind and happiness over what we term "my precious".  We scheme, we don't love, even as we want love.  We hide and protect the resources given as a platform to pursue efforts to further beautify the world.  We find reasons to doubt and feel insecure about people around us thanks to money - when God actually places them around us to give and seek love and joy.

I hope this public confession will help my realizations last beyond these couple days, and drive me to be a better human being. 

Rules of Expectations

I have been quite obsessed with the feeling of love lately.  While I have received love in abundance all my life, and still do, it is in giving love that I have had many realizations.  And so yet again, you rare reader, I will torment you with another blog about love yoga.

Papa suggested yesterday that expectations seem to be the taxes on relationships.  People have greater expectations from the ones close to them.  Expectations seem to put a toll on the innocence of the relationship, maybe even test its strength.

I see many cases around me where people expect their spouses to do or achieve or deliver certain things.  Parents expect their kids to perform and later maintain them.  One of the causes behind these expectations is possessiveness.  Possessiveness can lead to insecurity, which raises some of the worst expectations - husband not letting wife meet guys, wife nagging at husband, parents comparing their kids.

It is easy to relate expectations with love.  But I disagree with this seemingly obvious relation.  I think true love raises only one noble kind of expectation - to make the loved one act in his/her own (loved one's) interest.

Let me elaborate.

True love, by definition, seems to be the act of putting the loved one above oneself.

Ergo, my expectations cannot matter more to me than my desire to see my loved ones happy and healthy.  There is therefore no way that I will want to tax a loved one - that is, expect him/her to do something against his/her interests - and do something that I want.  Or, I am violating the definition of love, and not actually loving that person.

If you still do not get my point, you might wonder here, will this not actually lead to chaos in relationships?

Quite the opposite actually.  When I love my loved ones, I will make sincere efforts to ensure their well-being.  In line with karma yoga and love yoga, I will do so only to derive my own pleasure - I am not obliging them.  Now given the fact that they are humans, one of the supposedly smartest breeds on this planet, it will not take them much time to realize my sincerity.  Most of these smart beings will feel like reciprocating this feeling, even if for the most selfish reason of ensuring that they continue receiving my devotion.  And eventually they will discover that it is fun loving me - so I get the bonus advantage of receiving more love.

I think this can be the most beautiful competition of sorts - people trying hard to make their loved ones happy - people trying to put others before themselves.  Indeed, we can be expressive enough to clarify what makes us happy and what doesn't, but that is only to help them love us better, and only if they feel like it.  Nobody loses in this effort.  Nobody needs to compromise.  There is infinite scope for expansion in caring for others.

Another point I wanted to cover - addressing the "rights" over loved ones.  We may find it wrong when people use their supposed rights to force people who love them to restrict their actions, or do things they want.  And I disagree there also.  I think we can judge this force to be right or wrong only based on the end objective.

Should we apply this force to derive our own satisfaction or to strengthen our sense of security, we are being stupid and our love is adulterated.  We are then risking the loss of our loved one's feelings for us.  But should we apply this force to protect our loved ones, to stop them from hurting their interest, to help them achieve greater well-being in ways they do not agree with at the time, I find nothing wrong, and find no limits applicable.  We most naturally do this for our kids - why should we compromise in our feelings for adults?

Adults may find it suffocating and intrusive.  They may even use their wisdom to judge that we're being selfish or foolish.  But then, we do not make such efforts to become popular with them - our objective is only their best interests.  Therefore, so long as we continue having feelings for them, we have no reason to back off or give up in our efforts to make them do what we find right for them.  Of course, we must adapt our expressions to be more effective at convincing them, and we must always be open to realizing that we might be wrong.

I base these thoughts on what I have seen and known Papa and Bhai (my grandfather) to be doing.  They have repeatedly been "stupid" to trust the people who try to fool them, act in interest of people who disregard them.  They enjoy one-way relationships or unilateral care.  They do not mind if people "use" them.  This is what makes me put them up close to people who I consider great - in line with Gandhiji and the Pope and JRD Tata and likes.  This is why I find them respected and loved by pretty much everyone who knows them.  This is why I consider them truly successful in life.

Love yoga

Yes, I'm in love.  In love in almost every conventional way - enjoying my career, crazy about my family, and daydreaming about my childhood sweetheart, my soon-to-be wife.  But then, I'm also quite madly in love with the feeling of love.

I think love is one of the most beautiful manifestations of karma yoga.  True love is unconditional and infinite - you care for your loved ones no matter what they do or become - you regardless keep working to protect them, keep praying for their health and happiness.  What is this but nishkaam karma?


God did not give us the iPhone and Xbox as part of our birth package.  He gave us our family and nature for entertainment.  Nature that is full of resources and variety, giving us abundant scope to learn, relax, and care.  And family that will go to any extent to ensure our well-being.  Somewhere along the way, he also gave us an interesting sensation that makes us (even nutjobs like Gaddafi) love these people close to us, without even having the thought of expecting returns for this love.  As we grow up, we get into increasingly transactional relationships, initially dilute with friends and teachers, but clearer as we make lab partners, colleagues, suppliers, customers, etc.  For many, even their marriage is an agreement with implicit terms & conditions.  And yet, we get another reminder of this unconditional love - when we have kids, and when we feel no achievement, no wealth, no property in the world matters more than their health and happiness.

This instinct of true love is our innate quality as mammals.  It resides deep inside us, something we may try to ignore in our worldly pursuits, but yet keeps us incomplete and dissatisfied when we do so.  It is equally present in the rich and the poor, the educated and the innocent.  It is immensely powerful - it can drive us to take actions beyond our own expectations of ourselves, achieve feats that seem to defy the laws of physics and biology.

It is in recognition and ultimate surrender to this spirit that we can find true joy in life.  Like I have mentioned in my earlier posts, nothing gives us more pleasure than the effort to make others happy.  We can always find ways to love our kids, spouse, parents, siblings, friends, etc.  As we realize this joy, we will feel like expanding this circle of love, applying the karma yoga of love on everyone around us and all creations of nature.  I find role models all around me - from Gandhiji and Vivekananda and Mother Teresa and Pope Francis to people close to me, like Fr. Hector and my teachers and parents.

Love empowers us to rise above our temptations and weaknesses, and experience heaven right here on earth.  Love was our first gift from God, love is what he continually showers upon us directly and indirectly, every day, every moment.  Offering our love to him and his creations seems the easiest and most natural route (yoga) to unite with him.

Analyzing hard work...

I wonder why it is that some of us succeed at the same challenges where others fail.  I do not find lack of talent to be the root cause.  Several talented people fail when people with average IQ succeed.  I tend to agree with the commonly quoted explanation that hard work, put in a disciplined manner and the right direction, is the determining ingredient for success.

This is standard advice and common knowledge, and yet we rarely apply it in life.  So I feel like digging a little deeper.  Why do people work hard towards certain goals and not others?  Why does someone enjoy exercising hard, and another avoids it, despite needing it badly?  Why does the latter not mind working hard on some other goals?  Clearly, the ability or will to put in hard work does not seem to be an innate characteristic of an individual - everyone seems to possess it and use it at times.  In fact, the same person often has different choices about putting in or avoiding effort for the same issue in different conditions.

That leads me to wonder - Is hard work simply an input?  Should we consider it our credit (or guilt) if we choose to put in serious effort on an issue?  I think it is not as simplistic as that.  I think the choice of making effort is an output, not an input.

It seems to me that we choose to put in effort under influence of a variety of factors.  These may include:
- Desperation (for survival) - e.g. the routine exercise done by patients of diabetes
- Prospect (of pleasure) - e.g. muscles built to impress a girlfriend
- Fun (of making the effort) - e.g. working out daily just to feel good about oneself

The first (desperation) seems to be the strongest motivation, effective on almost every kind of individual, yet it works only for short spurts of hard effort.  Work driven by desperation causes exhaustion quickly, and should we not succeed before we get exhausted, we may even choose to quit.

The second (prospect-driven) seems the weakest, across the board.  Sure, we all feel like putting in some extra effort to improve our lifestyle or treat ourselves with something we covet or just add numbers to our bank account, yet this feeling is weak, and we do not mind compromising the effort every so often.  Our entropy, our natural inclination to relax or get disoriented, inhibits this effort very easily.

The third is what seems to drive people who put in sustained effort.  Most people I look at as successful in various aspects of life have put in effort because they enjoyed the effort itself.  They did not just work out of love for the goal - they worked because the work itself was fun.  Steve Jobs liked making good gadgets.  Warren Buffet likes to apply his brain to analyze and make smart choices.  Arvind Kejriwal likes trying to remove corruption.  They are not being martyrs by sacrificing watching movies and afternoon naps for their career - any day they will choose their career over these supposed luxuries, for it is more fun.


These "successful" people may not be successful at all aspects of life.  Quite like the rest of us.  Yet, they are different because for some reason, they could identify the area of effort that their mind resonated with.  I think we need to introspect a little to find out what work inspires us to deliver excellence, inspires a thirst in us to learn and progress.  We will be successful, every single day, if we identify that area of work and choose that as our career, because that will ensure that we work hard and that therefore we succeed at it.